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I have no words for the complications that have occurred today.
I woke up early today for a scheduled college admission test for FEU and I can say that we were pretty early or at least on-time. Soon, we were led to their computer laboratory to take the test ONLINE. It was a first for me.
Convenient as it was, I had trouble during the last part of the exam because the internet connection was lagging and the Numerical Ability part of my test got snagged in between. I transferred to another seat because of that and took the last two parts of the test (Abstract Reasoning) on the computer unit beside me. After that, nothing else remarkable happened.
Our test supervisor told us that results would be available right afterwards and it was.
Suffice to say, the test was easy.
The thing that brought me down most today was my USTET results.
I FAILED.
I DIDN’T QUALIFY.
I SCREWED UP.
I LOST.
There are so many words to describe the way I failed my parents and my relative’s expectations of me. I thought I could pass. My aunt and uncle thought so too though I contradicted them. I guess I was over-confident. Or maybe- on a more superstitious note- it can be attributed to the fact that I didn’t pray before-hand. Regardless, I’m feeling pretty irritated. Angry even. I feel like I’ve lost to my cousins who made it before me. I feel like I’ve let my parents and everyone who believed in me down. Again, this event is one more thing to add to my growing list of inadequacies, stupidities, frustations and examples of inferiority.
The one thing that’s keeping me from spiraling down to one of my blacker moods is the ironic instance of yin and yang today or balance.
I got accepted to FEU BS Medical Technology and am a candidate for a merit scholarship.
